YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
