this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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