I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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