the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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