we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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