There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize