i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
