my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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