Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
