Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
