did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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