for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
