Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
