fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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