She's JV to your varsity
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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