I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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