playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize