Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
