i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
