So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize