if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
