Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
