Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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