glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize