every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
