so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sorry about my life...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
