Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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