i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
