I got chris browned last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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