Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This is my gift to your gina
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
