Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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