My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
