i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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