i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
