ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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