I think I died a long time ago.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
