oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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