We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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