new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
