he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize