Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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