I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
