i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
