I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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