3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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