If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
