I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
