Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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