I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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