you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
