Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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