too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
