Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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