well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
