I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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