her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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