nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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