i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize