I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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