mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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