1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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