Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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