And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
