i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
