Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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