you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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