he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
