I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
