I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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