I love black thongs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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