I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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