You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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