Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
