i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
