3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
