I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
