Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
