thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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