Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
