Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
