just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize