Pants 0. Shit 1.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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